I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
