I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
