You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
