taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
