i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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