I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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