Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Everything about him screamed your future.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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