if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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