I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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