We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
