I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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