So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When are your genitals available?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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