JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize