Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
