She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
