P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
