i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
