Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
