dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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