i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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