So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
