Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
