Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
