He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
