You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
