How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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