Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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