8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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