whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
