Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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