Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
