What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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