No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
