I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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