my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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