Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
