whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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