Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
