anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
