did you get engaged???
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
