you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
