I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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