I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
