... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
