So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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