somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
