how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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