So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
