It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize