it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
