I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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