And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
