Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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