just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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