Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
