next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
