No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
