The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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