Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
