can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
