Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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