Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize