help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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