Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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