Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
