ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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