She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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