did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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