is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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