so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
