I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
