i just wanna soil my oats bro
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
