don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
