The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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