He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
