I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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