does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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